Sam's Town: The Lady In The Water Of Music?

Hey, what'chu say Johnny?

An IM conversation between Kiss Out The Jams and Owl With Knees about The Killers’ despicable new record, Sam’s Town.

“Sam’s Town”

Dan: the synth on this intro is retarded cheesy
Dan: that metal guitar thing right before the vocals sounds so out of tune
Dan: oh i love this part
Jen: i like this
Dan: the disco part
Jen: yeahh
Dan: then the chorus is nice
Jen: yeah
Dan: actually this song could almost pass as a whole good song if not for the end
Dan: but it still makes no sense
Dan: there’s way too many parts
Dan: the vocals get bad at the end of this part when he does it a second time
Dan: the “somebody takes me home” thing, you’ll see
Jen: ahh yeah
Jen: that hooooomee sucked
Dan: i despise this “every now and then” thing
Dan: oh god
Jen: oh god
Dan: but not as much as this… “i see london, i see sam’s town”
Jen: this is just
Jen: hard to listen to
Jen: i feel like dying :-/
Dan: i know, esp since the high little guitar riff isn’t bad
Dan: its just ruined by the vocals
Dan: and now what’s this theatrical bullshit
Jen: those lyrics are so embarrassing
Dan: they’re not even the worst on the record

“Enterlude”

Jen: oh enterlude
Dan: ok heres a retarded song
Dan: i actually kind of like the melody
Dan: oh god
Dan: bad note sung
Jen: this is really bad
Dan: youuuuuuur stay
Jen: yeah
Dan: i like the cheesy piano part
Jen: yeah thats kinda cute but overall this should not be here
Dan: nothing should ~be here~

“When You Were Young”

Jen: alright this song i like
Dan: i can deal with it now
Dan: except his vocals
Dan: but i love the “watch it now here he comes”
Jen: the lyrics on this are terrible too
Dan: oh yeah this song is bad lyrically
Jen: and i hate the backup vocals near the end
Dan: oh yeah me too
Jen: but yeah that “watch it now” is the best
Dan: the quiet part in the middle has the worst lyric on the whole album when he’s like “you can’t sip the water but you can dip your feet or something”
Jen: I’m changing my facebook status to “riding on the back of a hurricane”
Dan: yeah like this album’s so annoying cuz there’s so many missed opportunities
Dan: even if the lyrics on the album were the only problem i could deal
Dan: but because the music and vocals esp go bad so much
Jen: this part
Dan: yeah ok how is 1:59 long enough into the song to have built up dramatic tension for a quiet part
Dan: and yeah
Dan: "they say the devil's water it aint so sweet"
Dan: ugh
Jen: soo bad
Dan: "you sit there in your heartache"
Dan: wtf does that even mean
Dan: i actually like the strings and xylophone here
Dan: they build well
Dan: everyone else doesnt
Jen: oh agreed
Jen: i like the music here
Jen: the backup vocals make me cringe
Dan: brandon sang the actual last chorus well tho
Dan: but yeah the backups are awful
Dan: theres worse ones on here
Dan: wait til “why do i keep counting”
Jen: oooh next is “bling”

“Bling (Confessions Of A King)”

Dan: bad voice
Dan: this is one of the worst on here
Dan: “uncle johnny” and “why do i keep counting” are too
Jen: as if the title doesn’t give it away
Dan: "i work on the road side/in the land of the free ride"
Dan: “so i ran with the devil. . . like a stone on the water”
Jen: actually i kinda like the music
Dan: these metaphors dont even go together
Dan: nah i hate this one
Dan: the music's like faux western but also dancey??
Jen: something like that
Dan: the melody on the second verse here
Dan: is sung so incoherently
Jen: its retarded i know but it’s not the worst thing ever
Dan: the prechorus is the best part probably
Dan: “i've got that blowing wind against my face” lol
Jen: oh jesus his voice is real bad
Dan: oh god those backups
Dan: i really dont get this song
Dan: like, anything. . . what they’re going for musically, lyrically. . . it’s just incoherent
Dan: it’s too dancey to be bruce
Dan: but yet these bizarre, like, “roadside worker” lyrics
Jen: agreed lol even though i semi-enjoy the danciness
Dan: "we're gonna make it out of the fire"
Jen: HIGHER AND HIGHERRR
Dan: i could enjoy the danciness if his vocal actually fit what the bands doing
Jen: “we’re gonna take it down to the wire!”
Dan: it sounds like a really bad mash-up
Dan: his vocal doesnt fit at all
Jen: yeah this is pretty shitty

“For Reasons Unknown”

Dan: “for reasons unknown” is my fave song on the record
Jen: eh, i kinda see what you mean
Dan: it starts really really shitty
Dan: that one note guitar doesn’t sound right and is annoying as hell
Jen: well at least i see what they're trying to build here
Dan: this part's great
Dan: the “my heart it dont beat”
Dan: the synth here is amazing
Jen: ohh i like that
Dan: that’s just a great riff
Jen: yeah i do like that
Dan: and this is sung well and done well
Dan: the chorus is just a great anthemy thing
Dan: it builds nicely and that synth is great
Dan: and even the lyric i can see shouting at an arena: "my heart it dont beat/it dont beat the way it used to"
Dan: the verses are so bad though
Dan: he sings them bad
Jen: yeah, thats true
Dan: yessss more synth
Dan: this lips part is great too even tho his voice is slipping
Dan: then the music's good here but his voice is too bad
Dan: did you hear that awful squeak he did?
Dan: at like 2:33
Dan: replay it
Dan: cuz it's shocking he let that in the final take
Dan: like the rest of the song he misses so many notes by going high in the wrong place or something…like my vocals are more even than this
Jen: wow thats terrible
Dan: i cant believe that squeak at 2:33
Dan: like, that calls into question the rest of the band and management for allowing it to be distributed around the country

“Read My Mind”

Jen: this sounds shitty already
Dan: this is a horrible song
Dan: and his low notes miss
Dan: this was on rolling stone's list of songs actually
Dan: which makes no sense
Dan: cuz they gave the album 2 stars and said “when you were young” is the only thing close to a good song
Dan: this song actually sounds like it's from the 80s
Dan: like a bad bryan adams song or something
Dan: this chorus is awful too
Jen: yeah this is really bad
Dan: EW!
Jen: ooof that high note
Dan: the end of the chorus
Dan: before you goooooooo (high)
Jen: ass
Dan: douche
Jen: ASSSSSSSSS
Dan: who's named flowers anyway
Jen: seriously
Dan: i shouldve known this guy would be a cunt
Dan: the guitars in the chorus arent awful, like theyre at least doing their job
Dan: and he could be too cuz this song's actually kinda catchy
Dan: those high notes are unbearable though
Dan: he like dances around the melody when he doesnt at all have the talent to do that...he's not alicia keys
Dan: carrrrrr
Jen: lol yeah
Dan: fiiiire again
Jen: i dont shine if you dont shine
Dan: what poetry
Dan: asshole
Jen: lmao
Dan: like in many ways this really is the worst album of the year

“Uncle Johnny”

Jen: I’ve been waiting for this one
Dan: this song's awful
Dan: the riff is dragging and annoying
Dan: the pj harvey drums are out of place
Dan: "hey whatchu say johnny" wtf
Dan: liiiiiiiiight
Jen: omg
Dan: oh god high voice
Jen: the way he says burning
Dan: i know
Dan: believe me i know
Jen: why does he do that
Dan: OMG that last line was the worst
Dan: something hold on tight
Jen: superman hold on tight
Dan: god i dont even wanna know
Dan: way to rhyme cocaine/brain/pain
Jen: lmao so dumb
Dan: my appetite ain't got no heaaaaaaaaaart
Dan: what does that even mean
Dan: burning noooo
Dan: his voice
Dan: it burns
Jen: “hey johnny, i got faith in you man”
Dan: WTF
Jen: this song is soooo baddd
Dan: "he's convinced himself right in his brain/that it helps to take away the pain"
Dan: YESSSSSSSS the backups
Jen: LOL LOL
Jen: "tell us whats goin onnn"
Dan: these made me really lol
Jen: me too lollll
Dan: like when it cant even be worse…the backups
Dan: and how bad is "convinced himself right in his brain" as phrasing
Dan: is that really worth convoluting painfully awkwardly so it can rhyme the cliche "take away the pain"

“Bones”

Jen: WTF
Jen: IS THIS SHIT
Dan: LMAO
Dan: this is the single!
Jen: woah wow that was really awful
Jen: oh god
Dan: what a great synth sound right
Jen: wowww
Dan: ding ding dong dong
Jen: i didn’t realize that awful awful intro was for the single
Dan: yeah this is the one with the tim burton video
Dan: and then whoa random garage rock
Dan: so out of place
Jen: and horns?!
Dan: like, it makes no sense
Jen: wow
Dan: i hate that "on the cold wet dirt i cry"
Jen: i was just gonna say that
Dan: LMAO one of the best lyrics on here
Jen: oooo dont u wanna feel my bones~
Dan: "don't you wanna come with me/do you wanna feel my bones/on your bones/it's only natural"
Dan: lmaooooooo
Dan: BOYS!
Jen: rofllll
Dan: the dogs in my mind?? lmao
Dan: high voice just vomits
Jen: roflmao yes
Dan: iiiiiiiiiiiight
Dan: horns
Dan: on the chorus now, like, wtf
Jen: i know oh wow
Dan: they’re obviously synth horns
Dan: no one uses fake horns in rock
Dan: maybe fake strings once in awhile
Dan: but synth horns are a no-no
Jen: lmao
Jen: ooooh how pretty
Dan: yeah like, one thing that bugs me on here
Dan: is how he just deems these random parts important enough to just draw back all instruments
Dan: how many fucking notes are on the chorus here
Dan: like, the horns, vocals, everything are all doing something diff
Dan: theyre not in sync at all
Jen: lmaoo i knoww
Dan: and a bad high note just for good measure
Dan: and don’t you love how that ding ding intro never repeated and had nothing to do with the actual song

“My List”

Dan: i dont remember this song at all
Dan: i cant even believe we're this far in
Jen: this is bad
Dan: eww
Jen: really bad
Jen: lol
Dan: like, whiniest synth ever
Dan: ooh love song
Dan: "your heart is not a ....bone?"
Jen: lmao
Dan: “let me show you how much i care”
Dan: paaaaaytience
Dan: this song's beyond boring
Jen: ughh this is bad
Dan: at least the others i can laugh at
Dan: woot power ballad guitars
Dan: this sounds like "we are the world"
Jen: \m/
Dan: WTF
Dan: “dont give the ghost up just clench your fist?”
Dan: and what list
Jen: roflmaooo
Dan: list of women?
Jen: prob
Dan: list of people to kill
Dan: i know who's on my list
Dan: brandon
Dan: ~flowers~
Jen: yessss ~~
Dan: gross, high moanings
Dan: let me shooooooooooooowwwwwdfywddfsdhfsdhfw you
Dan: eww
Jen: back to shit synth
Dan: playing totally random notes
Jen: that was awful
Dan: the next two songs are outrageous
Jen: oh im excited
Dan: the next one i actually like except his vocal ruins it

“This River Is Wild”

Dan: see, exciting music right
Dan: it starts well, kind of tensiony
Dan: actually sounds like a punked out bruce
Jen: meh he says long too many times
Dan: downnnnnn
Dan: bad synths
Dan: i like the “run for the hills” part
Jen: “listen to the sound of the world then watch it turn”
Dan: lmao
Dan: actually this song's not as bad as i remember
Dan: wiiiiiiiiiiild
Dan: the way he says that is disgusting
Jen: nah this is actually one of the better ones i'd say
Dan: this river is wiiiiiiild
Jen: ew
Dan: LMAO
Dan: now i remember
Jen: shake a little???
Dan: the SHAKEaLITTLEs
Dan: thats awful
Dan: i forgot about those lol
Jen: LOL yes
Dan: see like wtf, the song is mostly good
Dan: and then those stupid “shakealittles”
Jen: oh man these lyrics get ridiculous
Dan: lmao “godspeed you boooooooy”
Jen: ~adam and eve reference~
Dan: yeah i forgot about the "bitch is trying to make him pray" and "that little girl play"
Dan: i bet flowers loves little girl play
Dan: i love these synth strings actually
Dan: i hate that he's trying to oversing to drown them out
Dan: "watch the clouds fall from the sky"
Jen: nah its not bad, the lyrics are just laughable and the shakealittles are too much
Dan: the shakealittles are unbearable
Dan: the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiilds i cant take at all
Dan: wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild
Dan: boooooooooooooooooooy
Jen: yeah those are terrible
Dan: wtf spoken ending
Jen: ooooo
Dan: headlights?
Dan: circus?
Jen: what circus?
Dan: what is going on brandon
Jen: what is he talking about?
Dan: my dick in his asshole. trust me. it's wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild
Jen: roflmaoo
Dan: this next song is outrageous musically
Dan: wait til u see how it jumps

“Why Do I Keep Counting?”

Dan: “there’s a mountain waiting for me?”
Dan: over broadway-ish tinkly shit
Dan: shit tinkle
Dan: stop tinkling, flowers
Jen: stupid echo!
Dan: backing vocals
Dan: "strong enough to be the one"
Dan: hahahaha
Jen: childrennnnnnnnnn
Dan: lmao how is this a chorus
Jen: oh man
Dan: "help me get down"
Dan: the melody isn’t bad on this part
Dan: its just ruined by the retarded chanting
Dan: like, get down to do what?
Jen: lmao
Dan: cooooooooounting
Jen: and why does he keep counting?
Dan: that i get, cuz he says my days are numbered
Dan: why theyre numbered though, who knows
Jen: ah okk i didnt catch it
Dan: after this album they are
Dan: this song's unbelievable cheesy
Dan: YESSSS
Jen: ahhhh
Jen: :-X
Dan: how embarassing is that high part
Jen: its really terrible
Dan: i actually love the "only knew the answer" melody for just that one line
Dan: like, why change his way of living
Dan: what’s he doing that is so fucking bad that his days are numbered
Dan: yesss christmas guitar ending
Dan: this is song like the white parade
Jen: idk but he keeps saying father so i guess hes praying or something
Jen: ending sux
Dan: god obviously hates him

“Exitlude”

Jen: exitlude!
Dan: YIZ
Dan: nice fake dylan
Dan: asshole
Dan: "bonfires of trust/flash floods of pain"
Dan: high voice
Jen: oh god
Dan: abou-u-ut
Jen: his voice is so badd
Dan: i know. i know.
Dan: oh the backup boys are the best thing on this song lol
Dan: compared to that dylan impression and bad high part
Jen: who could ever take this album seriously
Dan: blender gave it 4 stars
Jen: i know you do
Dan: lol, i'm sick. like i've played this 4 times maybe. i'm gonna play it again right after this. i wanna arrange like listening parties where people sing along to the shit parts
Jen: lmao that would be so good
Dan: are u ready for “the place”
Jen: I’m actually gonna play hot fuss after this
Dan: hot fuss isnt nearly as fun as sam's town
Jen: no but its good

“Where The White Boys Dance”

Jen: yesss
Dan: where the white boys dance
Dan: lol
Jen: LOLLLL
Jen: what is this shit
Dan: this song's the worst
Dan: i cant believe jay-z released this
Dan: well
Dan: yes i can
Dan: he released kingdom come
Jen: lmao
Jen: show me what you got now shortie
Dan: this is better than kingdom come!
Dan: THATS THE WORST PART
Dan: like, this i can get enjoyment out of
Jen: :-/ i know
Dan: sam's town is like the lady in the water of music
Jen: yes!
Dan: this song is terrible
Dan: like, why even include it
Dan: we already ~enjoyed our stay~
Dan: where we stayed doesnt matter
Dan: like what the fuck
Dan: is the place
Dan: where the white boys dance
Dan: and run and play
Dan: his baby is gone so he obviously wants to hit a gay club to take his mind off it
Dan: who ends with this
Dan: like at least why do i keep counting builds to something like an ending
Jen: well what about the next song
Dan: he cant even sequence his own terrible songs

“All The Pretty Face”

Dan: all the pretty face
Dan: what a great title
Jen: yeah really
Dan: why are there so many bonus tracks
Dan: and why is this metal
Jen: why are there any bonus tracks?
Dan: yeah it's like, hey buy this vomit, get bonus diarrhea
Jen: this sounds like tainted love
Dan: why is the keyboard obviously ripping off tainted love
Dan: OMG u heard it too
Jen: well yeah! its so obv
Dan: why doesn't he feel like touching her?
Jen: cuz hed rather be where the white boys dance
Dan: make up your mind brandon
Dan: like first he doesnt wanna touch her
Dan: but then he's like
Dan: you're not going anywhere without me
Dan: like, what is he threatening her with
Dan: "i'd do anything just to be your man"
Dan: like, earlier he said he wont touch her
Jen: well, then touch her
Jen: srsly
Dan: so thats something he wouldnt do to be her man
Dan: like, touch or dont touch but shut up
Dan: ugh
Jen: here he is again with it
Dan: now he doesnt wanna again
Dan: and why cant anyone know about him?
Dan: why would she tell anyone, who hooks up with this freak
Dan: tainted love!
Dan: see then they change the last note
Jen: i know!
Jen: grr its pissing me off
Dan: so that as soon as u reocgnize it you go like "oh wait ok its not plagiarism"
Jen: and i have to hear tainted love
Dan: it only makes me want to hear tainted love
Jen: sometimes i feel i've got to run away
Dan: HA
Dan: oh man
Dan: it also ends rather abruptly
Dan: after all those carefully built up endings before lol

The Verdict

Dan: now what would you grade that record
Jen: hm
Jen: i think id probably give it like a c
Dan: i fluctuate between a C+ and a C though i'd like to give it a C-
Dan: yeah
Dan: maybe a C
Jen: i wouldnt bomb it cuz theres stuff i do actually like and plus its very entertaining
Dan: it's weird cuz there’s like barely one song good all the way thru
Dan: but there is stuff i like
Dan: but that makes me wanna punish him more
Dan: for ruining these potential good parts
Dan: if it was straight bad that would be easy to deal with at least
Dan: my problem is that now ill hum the synth part in “reasons unknown” or the verses in “river is wild” and actually crave it
Jen: yeah agreed
Dan: and then i put it on
Dan: and its like OHGODNO
Dan: i'll just give it a C
Dan: it's hard to even believe how badly conceived it is
Dan: like i wanna play it again to hear stuff i cant even believe they recorded
Jen: lmao
Dan: like some of those high notes
Dan: it's fascinating
Dan: but you see what i mean
Dan: i cant just go "bad record, end of story, next"
Jen: no i totally agree
Dan: i feel like i wanna rescue some of these aborted babies
Dan: like, it would be so easy to fix “reasons unknown”
Dan: maybe i'll make a screwed & chopped version
Dan: the vocals, between singing and lyrics are 90% of the record's problem
Dan: but you know what pisses me off the most?
Dan: what is sam's town?
Jen: what?
Dan: who is sam
Dan: why is it his town
Dan: you feel like there’s gonna be a storyline
Jen: its a casino
Jen: in vegas
Dan: ohhh
Dan: is it really?
Jen: dont you read any of the killers stuff anywhere
Jen: its like, near where they're from
Dan: i know theyre from vegas
Dan: but...wtf, like, hot fuss is closer to a casino album
Dan: but like, the title threw me off
Jen: they could have picked a much casioner title
Dan: cuz in “bling” he's talking about working on the roadside and shit
Dan: so im thinking this is some epic story about some worker guy like bruce does, idk
Dan: what on this album concerns vegas or casinos at all?
Jen: nah i getcha
Dan: even “bling” doesnt seem to be about bling or a fucking king at all
Dan: kings dont work on roadsides
Jen: i'd prob think something like that too if i hadnt read it
Jen: confessions of a king lmao
Dan: but whats he confessing?
Jen: its just retarded
Jen: nothing on that album makes sense
Dan: but like, if i asked brandon what any single song on here is about
Dan: he seems to have an intent
Dan: its not like stephen malkmus shouting "40 million daggers"
Dan: where you know it's intentionally random
Jen: haaha yeah
Dan: i'd just love to hear what he was trying for
Jen: yeah really
Dan: like, the back of hurricane doesnt seem so ridiculous several tracks later when he's like, “my appetite ain't got no heaaaaaaaaaart”
Dan: it's almost as if the whole album was designed to prove me wrong that “when we were young” is the worst song of the year by presenting me with 13 worse songs
Jen: lmao
Jen: yeah “when you were young” is hardly the worst
Dan: i wonder what their next album will sound like
Dan: if they get to make one
Jen: oh jeez
Dan: somehow i doubt the 600,000 jay made off kingdom come's first week will be getting invested in more of this shit

Sam’s Town: C