Not News: Scott Storch Is A Fucking Moron

Nice robe, homie.

So. Rapidshare pretty much handles the jist of this breakthrough for retardedness: hack producer and complete asshole Scott Storch gets called out on Timbaland's totally solid new single as a "piano man," (aw shit) Storch gets grizzled, and fires back with a song that goes "keep my name out your mouth" for the hook even though Timbaland didn't use his name, over a beat that sounds like the two singles from The Doctor's Advocate trying to be each other: the lazy "pianos" of "Let's Ride" trying to bump at the frenetic chopped-up pace of "One Blood." Actually, the song's alot like "One Blood." Storch raps like the Game: blunt, ign'nt, takes himself (and this beef) way too seriously, and lands no punchlines. But more stupidly, the guy who produced Paris Hilton's record and "Lean Back" (and, I loathe to admit, "Baby Boy" and "Adrenaline!") is taking serious shots at a fucking master, who destroyed 2006 (not to mention 1997, 1999 and 2000), with "SexyBack," "My Love," and "Maneater" (and fine, "Promiscuous" just for the sake of elevating my point). Timbaland is a fuckbillion times richer, more talented, and especially, classier, than this douchebag will ever be. I mean, he talks shit about Timbaland's poor-selling Beat Club imprint and calls him a "producer" like Storch has been a gun-toting gangsta all this time and not just a dude from the Roots who knew the orchestra button on his Casio extremely well. Storch is actually from my snotty suburban hometown (ranked in 2006 as the #8 safest place in America to live) and learned as much from Timbo as he did from Dre when he was unpacking his Pro Tools kit. As for dough, Storch need not worry about Tim's A&R skills when his FutureSex/LoveSounds and Loose ate the charts and Paris ate balls. The only race now is that I hope Shock Value outsells Paris even if it never becomes a smash like Tim's albums always don't. Just to teach a boy a lesson. Like, I hate sacred cows more than anyone else, and producer beef could be just as fun and interesting as anyone else's, but Storch is like Ja Rule after 50 Cent here, and if these two were rappers Tim could have his career ended. Actually, I'm not sure how Tim will respond. He's clearly the less antagonistic or dangerous one here, even if he did "start" it (again, really? "piano man?" like, isn't that too kind. . . what about "synthesizer man" or "fruityloops man"). I definitely can't see him pulling threats like Storch did. I can't wait to see how this pans out, namely because Storch is finally passing himself off as the asshole I always thought he was, as if his opponent, a legend at this point, still has something to prove. Plus, everybody out of the pool: he produced Jason Mraz's "Geek In The Pink."